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Fantastic Chinese Inventions - Chinese Flamethrower


30 November 2010, Cervera de los Montes

What amazing things the Chinese have come up with and now I don't mean the socialist market economy with Chinese charasteristics. China has been during several millennia the source of many significant inventions that have made the world a better place to live for all the people. These inventions include gunpowder, fire lance, cast iron bomb, exploding cannonball, hand cannon, land mine, rocket bomb, multistage rocket warhead, flamethrower and chemical warfare.

From Kmart Realism To Hubba Bubba Realism - Tao Lin


24 November 2010, Cervera de los Montes

After reading everything I've found from the young Chinese (female) writers - Chun Sue, Mian Mian, Wei Hui,and Xiaolu Guo - I'm now enthusiastic about Tao Lin's Kmart realism. His new novel Richard Yates is a monument for the Western lower middle class youth. Kmart is a chain of discount supermarket department stores in the United States and K-mart realism was originally meant to be insulting for a minimalist style of fiction featuring depressed people in bleak settings.

My art movement is called Turbo Realism and it's subgenres are Carrefour Realism, Walmart Realism, Tesco Realism. Aldi Realism. Lidl Realism, Mercadona Realism, Ahorra Más Realism, Hipercor Realism, Eroski Realism, Maxi Dia Realism, Quickie Mart Realism, Seico Mart Realism, PARKnSHOP Express Realism, In & Out Realism, 7-Eleven Realism, Burker King Realism, KFC Realism, Taco Bell Realism, Pizza Hut Realism, Whataburger Realism, Dunkin' Donuts Realism, Lotteria Realism, MOS Burger Realism, Yoshinoya Realism, Starbucks Realism, Panda Express Realism, Chowking Realism, Kit Kat Realism, Oreo Realism, Pocari Sweat Realism, Happy Belly Realism, Cup Noodle Realism, Casa di Mama Realism, Petist Suisse Realism, Frito Lay Realism, Pop Tart Realism, Kool-Aid Realism, Jell-O Realism, Pop Rocks Realism, Hello Panda Realism, Pocky Realism and Hubba Bubba Realism.

My Best Plagiarist Friend - Your Dreams Are My Nightmares


22 November 2010, Cervera de los Montes

After tweeting my new slogan We demand freedom of speech but we have nothing to say, I was doubting if it was a good idea to do. I'm used to share not only the finished works but also all my ideas before developing them further. The problem is that I'm beginning to be afraid of my best friend Jani.

Some weeks ago in Helsinki, I visited the gallery that Jani runs with his wealthy friend. They show works of Jani and some other artists. Jani had on the wall a text based cereal box work stating Your dreams are my nightmares. It looked good but too familiar, the slogan is from my drawing executed in 2007. I was  baffled and furious. Jani said that it's intertextuality, that he doesn't have any ideas but copies everything from others. I think that's bullshit, I'd call it plagiarism. I'm totally fed up seeing Jani's works that look and sound like my stuff and reading interviews where he says the things I've blogged the day before.

I suppose that there's nothing I can do to stop him. I just feel that his practice devalues my works - people might think that I'm copying him if they've seen his work or read his interviews before. If this is what my best friend does, what my enemies do?

Beggar King Size Style - Bk


16 November 2010, Cervera de los Montes

The past four weeks, I almost haven't been working at all. We are doing some reforms in the house and have been evacuated to my in-laws' place in the neighbor village. In addition, my son's nanny has been on vacation in Peru and I've spent the time with the boy, which is of course (this is what I try to tell myself) more important than doing some provocative artifacts.

Anyways, the works are going around the globe non-stop. Next week the show Hungry for Art will be inaugurated at the nomadic art space Äkkigalleria in Jyväskylä, Finland. That has special meaning to me because all my family is from that small town in the Central Finland. I've sent there some jars of mustard gas. I don't know if should tell to my granny to go the opening reception.

Yesterday, I prepared a nice package and sent it to New York - three boxes of Super Size Happy Meal Series, a bunch of drawings, BK (Burger King / Beggar King plastic cup with some small change) and Wetback Towel. This is the stuff that Raul takes to Miami where he curates a project called Maxima Imoralia at Scope art fair. I was first thinking about flying over to enjoy of  beaches, bikinis and parties but, finally, I decided that the timing is not right. This is a stand-by year dedicated to my family (though I've done four solo shows, participated in nine group shows and five art fairs) and next year I'm going to be back at the front line continuing my campaign to be a rich and powerful super artist.

Money Don't Matter 2nite - Ai Weiwei


11 November 2010, Cervera de los Montes

Ai Weiwei is undoubtedly the number one art hero of the moment. his Unilever Series installation at the Tate Modern's massive Turbine Hall is made of 100 million of hand crafted life-sized porcelain sunflower seeds. Unfortunately, when I think of the monumental pieces of the series, I remember the criticism that Unilever has attracted from political, environmental and human rights activist. When I was kid, my mother told me never to buy stuff produced by the company.

Mr. Ai has been in the headlines also because he was placed under house arrest by the Chinese police. He said this was to prevent the planned party to mark the demolition of his newly built 1,1 million dollar Shanghai studio from taking place. Anyways, the party was held and the artist served 10000 delicious crabs to his friends.

Another artist hero of the recent days has been Santiago Sierra who turned down Spain’s 30 thousand euro national prize for visual artists, because the prize instrumentalizes the prestige of the prize winner for the benefit of the state. Sierra is against the Socialist government which happily gives away the money to the banks.

I've heard many times people asking how is it possible that the Communist Party of China is ruling China but the country doesn't seem to be communist at all. Curiously, the same people don't ask why in Europe there are several socialist parties governing but they don't apply leftist politics. The Spanish Socialist Workers Party seems to have nothing to do with neither socialism nor workers. Socialist Bankers' Party would sound more realistic.

Anyways, what caught my eye in these news was the money. I would love to refuse all the prices because 30 thousand were peanuts for me and I would love to be able to build a million dollar studio even if it were demolished (I think Ai Weiwei has even a bigger art factory in Beijing). It's easy to be idealistic when you are filthy rich.

I would accept any price and I have my speech prepared. You are supposed to be humble when you receive awards and tell that they are not actually for you but for a larger group of artist. Mario Vargas Llosa said that his recent Nobel price was for all Latin American writers - but the check was only for him. When I get a price, I'll say that the price recognizes the work of all Western white straight male artists.

I had prepared another speech too, for the case I'd been chosen to represent Finland in next summer's Venice Biennale. I told in an interview a couple of years ago that I'd refuse such an invitation, so I needed to think some good explanation - naturally I'd represent anybody who'd pay my next month's rent. I would have said that it's repulsive to represent Finland and its government but somebody has to do it - just like it's disgusting to clean the toilets but someone in the society has to do it too.Unfortunately, the curator chose some artist who doesn't have very much attitude but makes beautiful objects.

Fully Clothed Easy Gals - An Easy Gal


07 November 2010, Cervera de los Montes

Easy Gals is the title of my new collection of girl's portraits I'm downloading from internet pornography websites. I imagine that most of the people look for hardcore action photos in these places but I'm interested in those pictures that begin the series - the innocent teens moments before being fisted, whipped, gagged, electrified, pissed on, mouth fucked and covered by cum.

My rules for the photos: young girls (in porn called barely legal), slim and pretty but normal looking (in porn called girls nextdoor), no huge  breast implants (in porn called monster tits), no glamorous make up, no tattoos, fully clothed with normal clothes, frontal mid shots, interior or exterior but no studio, no bedroom, no sadomasochist dungeons, no sexually provocative expressions, smiling and looking to the camera. I want them to be like the photos I could take of my friends or family. Actually, I thought it would be easier to find them. Now I've gone through hundreds of websites and thousands of girls and I've found about 20 images that meet my demands.

The Maldives Story - Maldives


02 November 2010, Cervera de los Montes

One year ago, I was in Maldives, which many people list as one of their favorite vacation destinations. Unfortunately, I was working there, and even more sadly, I wasn't paid for it.

Everything started when the director of an art ograzination which has been supporting me during the tears, suggested me to do a project with Oxbow, a French surf wear company. I flew to Bordeaux where the corporation is headquartered and we agreed of a a social art project involving the participants of the long board world championship tour.

My idea was to organize a workshop for the surfers in Maldives and ask them to paint slogans on white T-shirts. Eric Bonnem, the CEO of Oxbow, liked my proposal and sent me right away to Biarritz and Guethary to to preliminary investigaton about surfing, a totally unknown world for me. We agreed that I was getting €5000 plus the royalties of the sales of the T-shirts mass produced based on those painted by the surfers.

Before driving to surfing villages we had a fancy lunch at a terrace of a five-star hotel with the director the renowned CAPC museum Charlotte Laubard, who didn't take her sunglasses off even when she was introduced to me. Eric had the idea of doing a show about our proect in the museum. I asked innocently that how could he decide the programming of the institution and he replied that I had no idea how much money he was giving them.

In the end of October, I was in Maldives and found myself in a private resort island which was a luxurious prison wihtout any public space - a real dystopia. I tried to communicate with the retarded surfers who told me things like "we don't believe in the global warming" and "we just surf anywhere, we don't care if they are democracies or dictatorships". I got them to paint me some t-shirts but the most popular slogan was "thank you Oxbow", the organizer of the competition in Maldives. It was a total flop.

I wrote some entries in my blog from Maldives and later heard that this was the reason or one of the reasons why everything was canceled. When I got back home, I was informed that Eric, the CEO, was fired too. I've been now waiting for a year and don't have any hope to get paid at all.

I've heard many people say that the artist should collaborate with corporations to earn money and gain extraordinary visibility but I'd recommend to get the check  before doing anything because the memory of the capitalists is very short - and they have always better lawyers than a humble artist could ever afford.