SECRETS OF SEXY COOKING
27 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
I opened a bottle of Moët & Chandon and told to my wife that I had amazing news, I just had found out that my drawing Secrets of Sexy Cooking was included in the exhibition Counter Space: Design and the Modern Kitchen at MoMA. My work on view at the Museum of Modern Art! My wife looked at me indiffrently and said that it's fine but nothing surprises her anymore. I can be in the next Documenta or Biennale de Venezia. Or I can be soon nowhere. And she's totally right. I'm as close to the failure as the success.
The Secrets of Sexy Cooking was made in London in the summer 2002, when I was an artist-in-residence at Camden Arts Centre and Delfina Studios. I just had graduated from the Finnish Academy of Fine Arts. Two years later I was represented in New York by Priska C Juschka Fine Arts who sold 19 of my early drawings to the Judith Rothchild Foundation Contemporary Drawings Collection, which donated them to MoMA. This year they made a show of the donated works but (boringly) exclusively with the work of biggest names like Martin Kippenberger and Jasper Johns. Then I thought that the my works in the most prominent collection of the world are in a tomb and will never see light anymore. I was wrong.
It's only one drawing. It's mainly a design show. But it's the most important exhibition in my career. The other artists include William Eggleston, George Maciunas, Claes Oldenburg, James Rosenquist, Lucas Samaras, Cindy Sherman, Tom Wesselmann and Andy Warhol. Strangely, nobody from MoMA informed me about the show and I found it in my weekly googling. Maybe it's good, because I would have been tempted to travel to the opening, something that I couldn't have really afforded.
GREAT ARTISTS DON'T CREATE, THEY DESTROY
23 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
Being an artist is the important thing – producing art works is just merchandising. The true artists could give to the world much more than artifacts to fill museums and private collectors' living rooms. The attitude is what matters.
I want to be a hyper powerful artist. Power is not only money to equip armies or to bribe politicians. Power is to be on the first page of the morning paper and on the prime time TV screen. Power is to be interesting. Power is to disagree and to be always wrong. like when Damien Hirst congratulated 9/11 attacks kind of like an artwork in its own right. Artists should be always wrong. Artists are not there to tell what to do or what to think. Artists are not going to give answers or create utopias. Great artist don’t create, they destroy.
20 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
These are the texts fro my serigraphy boxes:
Counterfeit LOUIS VUITTON Speedy handbag. Made in Shenzhen by Guizhou Girls.
Synthetic opioid KOLOKOL-1. Used by Spetsnatz Special purpose regiment in the Moscow Theatre Hostage Crisis.
Category A biological weapon EBOLA VIRUS. Codename: Blue Nile. Group: V. Order: Mononegavirales. Family: Filoviridae
NATO COSMIC TOP SECRET documents of the war crimes perpetrated during the Operation Kryptonite in Helmand, Afganistan.
US$ 1.000.000.000 stolen from the Central Bank of Iraq when the United States began bombing Baghdad
I'm lovin' it HAPPY MEAL. Cheeseburger + Coke + French Fries + Ketchup + Confederancy of Independent Systems' General Grievous toy.
Burusera. DIRTY PANTIES with Hello Kitty image and urine, sweat and vaginal fluids. Used by Akiko, 16yrs, from Hiroshima.
A premium HUMAN KIDNEY donated by Rishi, 12yrs, from Mumbai.
High quality COCAINE pruduced by Cali Cartel, Colombia, and handled by Almighty Latin King and Queen Nation. Slightly cut with baking soda.
Special offer ARTIFICIAL HYMEN. No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product you can have your first night back anytime. Add in a few moans and groans and you will pass thorough undetectable.
The No. 1 hydrogen cyanide pesticide for insects and small animals URAGAN D2. Formerly known as Zyklon B and used in the gas chambers of the Nazi concentration camps.
Liberation Army's DIRTY BOMB. Caesium 137 + Semtex 10. Weapon of mass panic
Hot BLOOD DIAMONDS the warlord president Charles Taylor gave to the model Naomi Campbell. These rocks don't loose their shape, blood diamonds are a girl's best friend.
HAPPY MEAL STRUCTURAL DESIGN
19 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
Inés, who worked as my assistant during the summer, asked me how my hyper big master piece is developing, the work that she was painting with me, and told that she would like to come to see it. I told he that I haven't touched it after the summer vacation.
I knew that it was going to be difficult to concentrate in a huge painting project for a long time and that's one reason why I decided not to promise it to any show and work without a set deadline. There are several other projects that need my attention. I'm preparing my solo show at the studio space of Kunsthalle Helsinki in October but now my A1 priority are two series of screen prints I'm doing for Eeris' Persten Collection.
The first series is traditional two dimensional printmaking. Eeris chose five drawings of mine that would work well with the serigraphy technic. Then he asked me to do a new one combining both human and animal rights. I did a piece with some Beijing Roast Duck.
The other series are three-dimensional boxes. Jani did awesome breakfast cereal boxes for Eeris and I thought that I want to continue that path. My boxes will be the same size and form of Happy Meal, the Golden Arches handles included. I'm not going to pack in them only burgers and toys but also dirty bombs and used panties.
THE ENERGY EFFICIENCY OF MENTAL RANCHES
13 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
In a recent interview, Antti Nylén - Finland's most provocative essayist, says that he spends 96% of his energy on his family and the rest four on writing. The author has two kids, just like me.
Sometimes, I envy the SANKs (Single Artist, No Kids) living in Berlin, London or New York and having a plenty of time to spend in the studio and to do networking around the openings, dinners and parties.
No doubt, it was a professional suicide to accept my wife's proposal and move to a village of 383 inhabitants. That time I was a freshly graduated 27-year-old innocent artist but I had my works already in the permanent collection of Museum of Modern Art, New York, and I had exhibited my stuff in places like Camden Arts Centre, London and the way to the fame seemed eath. I thought that if Bruce Nauman lives in his ranch in Gallisteo, New Mexico (population 265), why couldn't I live in Cervera de los Montes, Toledo. Then little by little I found out that it wasn't that instant to triumph in the global art world.
It would be to easy to blame my wife and children for my lack of success but I must admit that my life is gratifying, and even if I fail to fail as artist, nobody can take my family and happiness away from me. I think it would be too anxious to build the life solely on the work and the success. And I still believe that I'm doing a hell of an oeuvre with those 4% of my energy.
MY FAVORITE TOILET CLEANERS
10 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
Apples, Alligator baits, Apes, Baboombas, BBKs, Bluegums, Boofers, Brillo pads, Brown sugars, Brownies, Bucks, Buffies, Cargos, Casabooboos, Chocos, Chocolate drops, Chongos, Cocos Cocolos, Congo lips, Conkies, Coons, Cordons, Cornbreads, Corneliuses, Cotton pickers, Crows, Cuffs, Dans, Darkeys, Dinges, Eggplants, Eight balls, Geechees, Ghetto hamsters, Golliwoggs, Groids, Hapshis, Homies, Horse gums, Ink faces, Jackamammies, Jar jars, Jigaboos, Jiggas, Jungle bunnies, Kaffirs, Macacas, Mammy, Mellanoids, Monkeys, Moolies, Mossheads, Mud ducks, Munts, Nagas, Nappy heads, Nig nogs, Niggers, Nigglets, Nighs fighters, Nigruns, Ninjas, Ninnies, Nurple, Pickaninnies, Porch monkeys, Powder burns, Quashies, Round hairs, Rock apes, Sambos, Shiners, Slopes, Sooties, Spades, Spear chuckers, Splibs, Spooks, Tar babies, Thick lips, Teapots, Velcro heads, Welfare monkeys, Windchimes, Yoyos, Zigaboos.
PIZZA BOY FINANCING
07 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
The Internet is full of hoaxes but this one really does exist in Finland: An express personal loan service including a credit of 20-110€ and a pizza delivered to the clients home. You can just imagine the interest rate.
Pizza + Money has been created in collaboration with the Pinna Online service. Do you feel like having delicious a pizza while watching TV but your wallet is a yawning emptiness momentarily? Pizza + Money is then the perfect solution.
Pizza + Money delivers pizza to your home and money in your bank account. While the pizza boy delivers the food, we transfer to your bank account with the amount you've choosen.
Pizza + Money - more flexibility and delicious moments of everyday life.
Yumi and the Treachery of Words
06 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
I'm drawing Yumi Asian Anime Doll with four fuckable parts - a tight ass, a succulent pussy, a pouty mouth and big tits. I had printed the picture some months ago today I needed to check some details of the product on the Doc Johnson website. Surprisingly, I couldn't anymore access there and viewed a message from my broadband provider telling me that they are protecting me from inauspicious material. I needed a 60-minute chat session with the customer service to find out my user name and password to modify the settings of the blocking engine. My prohibited categories were explosives, drugs, pornography, racism, sects and violence. Curiously, that list could describe my art work somewhat precisely. The disappointing fact was that my own website wasn't blocked. Isn't a bomb in art an explosive? Isn't a Nazi in art a racist? Isn't a gang bang in art pornography?
THE FUTURE IS OUR WORLD, MR. HAKKINEN
01 September 2010, Cervera de los Montes
I asked my wife to change me as the nominal client of our telecommunication contract with Telefonica - which just changed its brand name to Movistar - because that would be easier for my accountant – the broadband is used for my studio too.
This week, I received the first bill sent to Rikko Hakkinen. It’s not so bad thinking that my wife spelled my name to them on telephone and I’ve seen much more errors in the orthography of my name. The worst version has been Rikko Sannen on a group show invite. I think Rikko is even more common spelling than the correct Riiko.
Obviusly, I called to Movistar’s infamous 1004 to correct my name. The call center girl I talked to told that it’s easy but warned me that then we might loose all the special deals we’ve got (like the almost 200 Imagenio internet protocol television channels we just got for free for a year). She made clear the system is programmed this way and she is not able to overpass it or know exactly beforehand how it reacts to the changing the name of the client.
Are we living in a Matrix-like dystopia where the human beings are just devices in the service of computers? Maybe I'm ingenuous asking this and everybody else understood this long ago – and accepted it as the best of all possible worlds.