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The Manifesto Of Turbo Realism - Milky


30 June 2010, Cervera de los Montes

1. Turbo Realism is the only real art movement of the 21st century.

2. Art is a weapon and the weapons can change the world.

3. All other art is unnecessary and outdated.

4. All other artists are selling used cars. Turbo Realism sells car bombs and we are going to have our bombs in every museum and every bank.

5. Turbo Realism is against your regime and its lickspittles.

6. Turbo Realism is against the globalized capitalism and all other capitalisms.

7. Turbo Realism shows the mechanisms and meanings of the capitalism with a mocking verisimilitude.

8. After seeing Turbo Realism you can't go home. You can't go to a hypermarket. There is no way back.

9. Turbo Realism will be against the post-capitalism, and we will be the first artists interned in its camps.

10. We will be smashed but you can't kill our turbo boosted ideas.

Routine Activity Theory - Amor


27 June 2010, Cervera de los Montes

Finally, I've started to paint my Guernica, a mega size master piece painting that will be not made to decorate rooms but an offensive weapon in the defense against the enemy, as Picasso put it. To paint, which can be very mechanical and mind-numbing work, I need a routine.

I think that the great monochrome painter Ad Reinhard said something like that it's possible to work only when the house is empty, the kids are gone to the playground and the wife is gone shopping. I've contracted a nanny to take the kids every day to the swimming pool and I send my wife to El Corte Inglés or Brazilian waxing.

In all likelihood, it's insane to paint the master piece by myself, I'm not too skilled and I'm too slow. I should go to the strange artist village in Shenzen, where I visited some years ago. It's a place where thousands of artists make bad copies fo Van Gogh's sunflowers. I suppose that they could paint also Snap, Crackel and Pop. What I'm doing in the first phase, is just coping packaging and advertisement on 120x120cm canvases. The fun part comes afterwards when I'll paint an enormous figure on the surface composed of the modules. That couldn't be done by the cheap Chinese labor.

Superartists - Plastic Man


22 June 2010, Cervera de los Montes

A superartist possesses extraordinary super artistic powers and is dedicated to get filthy rich, though he commonly speaks about changing the world. No female superartists have appeared in the art world.The character of superartist spawns from the Modernist era, the beginning of the XX century. The first true superartist was Pablo Picasso, the biggest artist and the most famous art hero of all the times.

By most definitions, superartists do not strictly require actual super artistic powers, although terms such as art stars are sometimes used to refer to those such as Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons without such powers but who share other common superartist traits like egomania and mega provocation.

Tv Stars - Jong Tae-se


17 June 2010, Cervera de los Montes

I read an interview of Ville Haapsalo, a Finnish actor who is a film star in Russia. He was asked if it was true that his wife had given recently birth to a baby. He replied that he doesn't speak about his personal life.

I had this week here in Cervera de los Montes the TV host Jaakko Selin and his crew from Helsinki. They filmed my life during several days. My idea was that I could speak about some important themes like immigration but finally it was just decoraton for a life style program with donkeys, singing waitresses and other romatic stuff from a Spanish village. Maybe I'm selling my privacy for nothing. Anyways, I liked Jaakko very much and he liked my special gazpacho with Finlandia Vodka. Finally, I've been cooking on TV. Narcisssim fulfilled.

Though I like to appear on TV, I rarely watch it. Sometimes I forced to swallow Dora the Explorer with my daughter and now I’m addicted – like every man around the globe – to the World Cup. I support the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. And it’s not about politics but their sportive attitude. They never complain to the referee and they never dive. It was touching to see Jong Tae-se crying during the National anthem The Patriotic Song. Jong is a 3rd generation South Korean who was born in Nagoya, Japan to 2nd generation South Korean parents with South Korean citizenship. Jong later chose to trade his South Korean citizenship for a North Korean citizenship for ideological reasons. They call him People’s Rooney.

My First Rider - Guns'n Roses


11 June 2010, Cervera de los Montes

A rider is an amendment or addition to an entertainer's performance contract, often covering a performer's equipment, food, drinks, and general comfort requirements. The bigger the pop star is, the more detailed and more extravagant is the list.

I don’t know if the famous visual artists have riders. Does Bruce Nauman demand a bottle of Cristal champagne every day? And Gerhard Richter sushi platters for his assistant crew? I think they should. I think also those of us that are less famous, should be more demanding. I don’t mean pretentious but just making clear to the exhibition organizer what we need and what we deserve.

This is a sketch for my first rider:

- Nail-to-nail shipping including the production of crates or other necessary packaging accessories.
- Return shipping should be completed no more than one month after the exhibition closes.
-If works were sold or bought by the exhibition organizer, the artist mut be pain also in one month.
- Full insurance during the shipping and exhibition.
- Installing the works according to the instructions given by the artist.
- Professional high-resolution photos of the installation, e-mailed to the artist no later than one week after the opening. Full media coverage report including original newspaper and magazine clippings after the closure of the exhibition
- If  a catalog published, at least five copies should be given or sent to the artist.
- Mailing of the invitation card to 25 addresses provided by the artist. This must be one no later than 15 days before the opening.
- If the artist travels to the installation and opening of the show, he must be provided door-to-door traveling from the artist's home to hotel. Tourist class is acceptable for flying, business class for train. Urban transport by car or taxi. The daily transport between the hotel and the exhibition venue by taxi or equivalent.
- Pick-up at the airport or train station by the staff of the exhibition organizer, not by a driver alone.
- A welcome pack including the schedule of the exhibition week and contact information, a map and a tourist and art guides of the city.
- A double room in a four star hotel or superior. Preferably a design or boutique. No inner courtyard views. Courtesy mini bar.  Six small bottles of still mineral water (local low sodium or Evian) in hotel room. Courtesy internet access.
- The director of the exhibition institution should greet the artist during the first working day.
- The breakfast must include freshly squeezed orange juice and espresso style milk coffee.
- Lunch and dinner with the curator in a decent restaurant, including quality wine. Drinks after the dinner in a hip bar.
- Fine dine meal after the opening reception. The director of the exhibition structure and the curator must participate.
- If the artist travels, the minimum honorarium is €800 or equivalent in local currency. This amount is sufficient up to four working days, each extra day is 200 euros more. This should be paid in cash upon arrival. This is excluded if the show is at a commercial gallery that actively sells the works.
- During the installation there should be a computer in the use of the artist at the exhibition venue.
- The organizer provides the equipment, tools and material necessary for the installation, like a projector and painting materials. Artist buys the painting materials accompanied by a person from the exhibition structure.
- In the opening reception, the artist should be introduced to the museum directors, curators, gallerists and journalists present.
- The organizer frames the works according to the instructions of the artist. The frames are property of the exhibition organizer and the works can be shipped back to the artist unframed.
- During the installation there must be available all the time Coke, coffee, tea, local lager beer, Heineken, local or international still mineral water
- Short shopping tour for local souveniers for the artist’s family and an organized tour to the main tourist and art sights of the city.
- Life time free entry / membership of the institution. Inclusion in the mailing list of the printed invitations.

After all, I know that if I seriously demand this I'm never going to exhibit again.

Gaza Flavor - Naturally And Artificially Flavored Gaza Strip


07 June 2010, Cervera de los Montes

I'd like to be a chef. Cooking is much more influential, political and social than producing objects in the art context. My daughter said me than then I should work much more. Obviously, I'm not dreaming of being a line cook but a conceptual director of the Riiko Sakkinen Restaurant.

This week's menu would consist exclusively of food products that are allowed into Gaza Strip under the blockade of Israel: wheat, flour, cooking oil, cooking fat, sugar, salt, pasta, dates, garlic, chick peas, rice, lentils, kidney beans,margarine, dairy products, powdered milk. frozen meat, frozen fish, frozen vegetables,  eggs, fruit, yeast, semolina, tea, instant coffee, canned tuna, salami (interesting pork product for Muslims), canned meat, zaatar, sesame seeds, chicken stock powder, olives, aniseed, cinnamon, camomile, potatoes and mineral water.

Village Painter - Jonathan Meese


03 June 2010, Cervera de los Montes

The bad side of living in the country is that it's troublesome to buy here art supplies. I needed lot of material because after seeing Jonathan Meese gigantic paintings at CAC Malaga, I decided that I have to paint it big if I want to be as big as him.

I drove to Madrid which wasn't a really good idea with all that traffic jam in Gran Via, though I find it thrilling to drive in the centers of big cities. And I like to shop my material at Jer, a traditional small art supplies store just in Calle de Hortaleza. I thought it was my lucky day when I found a parking place just in the front of the shop but when I came back with the parking display ticket, a police man was writing me a fine ticket. I told the agent that I'm from the village and I don't understand the parking rules of the metropolis and he let me go. I spent €2500 in the painting materials and I couldn't afford to pay an extra for parking violation.

Jer will ship next week my custom MDF bases, canvases, glues, paints and brushes and before that I have time to think what to paint. What I know is the size - big means 360cm x 720cm. It will be assembled of 120cm x 120 modules which makes it easy to work and transport and it will be as fragmentary as the word it depicts.

Boycott Uzi - Uzi


01 June 2010, Cervera de los Montes

A friend told me that we should boycott all Israeli products for the raid on the Swedish activist flotilla heading to Gaza. I tried to spot in Carrefour hypermarket goods made in Israel and put there TERRORIST signs but I couldn't find any. What do they produce there?

The only Israeli product I remember is the Uzi submachine gun. I recommend that if you are thinking of buying one for yourself or maybe thousands of them for your troops, please think other options like the Swedish Saab Bofors Dynamics CBJ-MS. I think it's a good gun though naturally it's not the legendary Uzi, one of the world's most famous firearm brands, a 20th century design classic and a true icon. Since it's launch in 1950 the Uzi family has been in service worldwide by army, secret service, police and special forces. Soon after its introduction the angular-shaped Uzi quickly emerged as the most unique and innovative submachine gun and its key design features became industry trendsetters (quote from the official manufacturer's site).