THE AMAZING MAGNETIC ETERNAL LIFE DEVICE
28 May 2009, Cervera de los Montes
I have invented the Amazing Magnetic Eternal Life Device. It allows humans to stay physically young forever. Please believe me. Everything you read is true and is important. Now people do not have to age anymore.
Based on testimonies, facts, and proofs, people are able to stay physically young forever by using my new inventions The Eternal Life Rings and The Eternal Life Foot Braces. The Eternal Life Rings are to be worn on both small fingers of a user during sleep. The Eternal Life Foot Braces are to be worn on all toes of both feet during sleep.
Both devices consist of rare earth or ceramic magnets and plastic braces which hold magnets onto the fingers of the user. The fingers and toes are the negative (-) and positive (+) terminals of your body.
When placing the magnetic devices, the magnetic pole on the right side of the human body is opposite to the left side. With a opposite pole on each side of the human body, blood circulation and electric current of the body are enhanced. The enhanced blood circulation and electric current increase metabolism in order to fight the aging process.
The Eternal Life Rings and The Eternal Life Foot Braces invented by me allow humans to stay physically young forever or turn humans physically younger as long as you wear the rings or foot braces every night during sleep.
MY FAVORITE PIES
24 May 2009, Cervera de los Montes
In June 2001, I walked around Giardini during the Venice Biennale opening. I had jumped over the fence and packed my plastic bag with a pizza base and a Coolwhip spray. My target for pieing was the curator of the event - Harald Szeeman. I don't now if any super curator have been caked. Maybe non of them. And I think that Andy Warhol is the only artist pied (this was done by the American anarchist Aron Kay).
I wish that one day I'm so famous and powerful that the art students cake me all the time. It seems that the best chances for caking you can find in Montreal where Les Entartistes, members of l'Internationale des Anarchos-Pâtissiers, are very active. They say that "the pie gives power back to the people because so many feel powerless in the face of big politicians and industrialists". I think they should include artists there, too.
This is a list of people who have been caked: Kim Beazley, Medea Benjamin, Pierre Bourque, Steve Bracks, Robert Bresson, Benoit Brière, Dave Bronconnier, Willie Brown, Anita Bryant, Richard Byyny, Michel Camdessus, Carl XVI Gustaf, Andrew Castle, Jean Charest, Jean Chrétien, Jeremy Clarkson, Ann Coulter, Gábor Demszky, Jean Doré, Philippe Douste-Blazy, Jacques Duchesneau, Stéphane Dion, Blairo Maggi, Pim Fortuyn, James Ehnes, Milton Friedman, Thomas Friedman, Courtney Friel, Bill Gates, Dan Glickman, Joyce Groote, David Horowitz, Charles Hurwitz, David Icke, Jennifer Jolly, William Johnson, Hilmar Kabas, Calvin Klein, Ralph Klein, William Kristol, Gérald Lacoste, Bernard Landry, Karl Lagerfeld, Bernard-Henri Lévy, Bjørn Lomborg, Frank Loy, Peter Mandelson, Ralph Nader, Jacques Parizeau, Pierre Karl Péladeau, Pierre Pettigrew, John Pepper, Fred Phelps, Prem Rawat, Jim Rhodes, Bosse Ringholm, Allan Rock, Ségolène Royal, Renato Ruggiero, George Ryan, David Shayler, Clare Short, Jeffrey Skilling, Sylvester Stallone, Gérald Tremblay, Claude Vorilhon, Andy Warhol, Ann Widdecombe, Tommy Yune, Gerrit Zalm.
ST. GERMAIN'S IMMORTALITY TRICKS
19 May 2009, Cervera de los Montes
I'm reading about immortality for my work that I'm planning for the exhibition Man Who Fell to Earth (798 Beijing Biennale). The working title is The Current Reincarnation of Count of Saint Germain Is David Beckham. Before Beckham he has taken the forms of a high rank priest in Atlantis, Plato, Merlin, Roger Bacon, Christopher Columbus and Francis Bacon (not the painter but the philosopher) and many more.
I think that if you want to live forever, you have to use at least Magnetic Immortality Device, Ma Gu's Elixir of Life, X-Sera Wrinkle Serum, Dermajuv Complete System, Peter Pan's Wrinkle Cream, Ponce de León's Fountain of Youth, Instant Cup of Jamshid, Voronoff's Panacea, Dancing Water and Supergirl's Kryptonite.
15 May 2009, Cervera de los Montes
Art is not a dinner party, nor an essay, nor a painting, nor a piece of embroidery; it cannot be advanced softly, gradually, carefully, considerately, respectfully, politely, plainly, and modestly. Art is an insurrection, an act of violence by which one generation overthrows another.
Too many so-called artists have been made into celebrities and their revolutionary fervor destroyed by mass media. They become Hollywood objects and lose identification with the real issues. The task is to transform society; only the people can do that - not heroes, not celebrities, not stars. The artist’s place is in the community with the people.
The first paragraph is a quote from Mao Zedong, the first chairman of the Communist party of China, but I changed the revolution to the art and the class to the generation. The second quote is from Huey P. Newton, the leader of the Black Panther Party for Self Defence, but I changed again the leaders to be artists.
13 May 2009, Cervera de los Montes
I'm drawing like a machine or Pablo Picasso hotel drawings for my show in December at Bourouina Gallery, Berlin. The first drawing is from 1999 and originally it wasn't directly a homage to Kippenberger, who did a huge series of drawings on hotel stationery, but I just wanted to draw when I was staying in Hotel Carlton in Madrid. On the other hand, all my work could be considered a homage (or just a humble remark) to Kippenberger.
Now I have drawings on the stationery of these hotels: Barceló Gran Hotel Renacimiento, Seville - Radisson Edwardian, Heathrow - Tulip Inn, Budapest - Petit Palace Puerta del Sol, Madrid - Holiday Inn Paris Bastille, Holiday Inn, Sarajevo - Winngate Inn, Houston - Posada de San José, Cuenca - Hotel Therm, Vals - Klaus K, Helsinki - Metropol Hotell, Tallinn, La Posada Regia, León - Naantali Spa Hotel, Naantali - Hotel Dom Carlos, Lisbon - Radisson SAS Daugava Hotel, Riga - Crystal Plaza Hotel, Stockholm - Sofitel Athens Airport - Centrum Hotel, Nicosia - Hotel Bellagio, Yeosu - Hotel Los Condes, Madrid - Hotelli Milton, Jyväskylä - Martta Hotelli, Helsinki - Hotelli Hirvi, Äänekoski - Hotel Mayorazgo, Madrid - Hotel de las Letras, Madrid - Reval Hotels, Tallin - Hotel Birger Jarl, Stockholm - Double Tree Club, Austin - Hotel Tryp, Madrid - Hotel Carlton, Madrid.
THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH
10 May 2009, Cervera de los Montes
I think I'm getting old or at least lately people want me to think about aging and anti-aging.
Anti-aging addresses how to prevent, slow, or reverse the effects of aging and help people live longer, healthier and happier lives. The anti-aging marketplace includes nutrition, physical fitness, skin care, hormone replacements, vitamins, supplements and tissue engineering.
I'm not doing genetic engineering but my mother bought me Biotherm Homme Age Fittness Active Anti-Aging Care, Biotherm Homme Age Fittness Night Anti-Aging Fortifying Night Care and Biotherm Homme Abdosculpt Day Bodygel. I tried to protest that I don't have wrinkles but she claimed that I should prevent aging.
Just after that Raúl invited me to particpate in the exhibition he curates as a part of 798 Beijing Biennale. The title is The Man Who Fell to Earth and it's about facelifts, skin lighteners, tanning booths, prosthetics and sex changes.
I actually worry only about my horrible teeth. This spring in Helsinki I was almost everyday talking on TV or photographed for printed media and I always tried to hide my teeth. When I sell enough drawings, I'll have my teeth done. I want to shine real film star dental beauty in the interviews. That would make me even happier than driving an Infiniti FX50.
PRC NATIONAL SECURITY
06 May 2009, Cervera de los Montes
I got my flights to Beijing - I'm spending there two months from the end of July until the end of September at the residency of MA Studio run by Judas. The next thing is to apply a visa. I don't know if I should tell to the government of People's Republic of China that I'm going to have artistic activity there. Anyways, I promised to Judas not to cause him any trouble with authorities.I have to be more subtle with the political themes this time.
If you are staying in China with a tourist visa you may not engage in activities beyond the capacity of a tourist, such as employment, religious propaganda and illegal journalist interviewing. Violators will be penalized according to the law. Foreigners should abide by the Chinese laws and respect Chinese customs and habits and not do anything to jeopardize China’s national security, public interests and social order.
HELLO KITTY REAL MADRID
02 May 2009, Cervera de los Montes
My daughter is filling, little by little, our house with Hello Kitty's mouthless face (Sanrio's designers stated that women are more beautiful without a mouth) but that's all kids' girly stuff. Yesterday in the supermarket, she wanted me to buy Hello Kitty beer that was just launched by the German brand Beck's. I don't mind if the Teutons want to drink that but I refused to buy it and got some Mahou Cinco Estrellas for tonight's football game - the most important of the season: Real Madrid - Barcelona.
It seems impossible to avoid the hellokittizing of the world and I wouldn't be surprised to find next year Hello Kitty's picture on Real Madrid's white jersey. The idea is horrifying but somehow I'm amused to think Ultras Sur - the fascists extreme supporters of Real Madrid - bearing both swastikas and Hello Kitty.